i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
