dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
