i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
