its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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