the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
