Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
