mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
