So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
