Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
