omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
