This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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