I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
