I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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