The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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