Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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