Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
