Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
