i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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