i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
