On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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