Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
