Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
