is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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