Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My life is pants optional.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
