The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
