That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
