If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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