I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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