guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
