Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
