Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
