i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
