I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
