Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
