so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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