You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
