if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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