i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
