found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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