I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
