Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
