I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
