Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
