saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
