So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mom said you looked used
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
