I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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