I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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