Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
