it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
