The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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