Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
