why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm like, not good at living.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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