i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
