Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
